Campout is one of those things where I had absolutely no idea what to expect yet I knew exactly
what I was going to get. I was a little shocked that I didn’t hit the over in the Prince Albert
piercing (O/U 14.5) . I was pleasantly surprised at how clean it was. That is the campsites and
not the penis piercings. I tip my hat to Scratch and Stiffy and the rest of the campout team for
organizing an amazing event. No word yet on in on the status of his penis piercing. As a first
timer, my favorite part was definitely meeting all the amazing hashera that traveled very very far
for this event. It was good to see so many people from BFM come up. Thursday is a drinking
day not a hashing day. Very much looking forward to going to your campout. Skull and Boners
was also well represented and we are very happy to have them back in Pennsylvania. They
bring a wonderful ruggedness from beyond the wall at a talent for bull’s eying poison ivy. The
furthest away Hasher to travel to our camp at I believe came from Alaska. I tried to take a poll
but a virgin wearing a light up fairy costume came up to me, threw a leg on my shoulder and
mixed shots right my mouth. After that I had some annunciation issues (editor’s note: MORE enunciation issues) and resumed checking for penis piercings. I was very happy that I volunteered to cook breakfast next morning.

The best advice I can give you guys as a beginner is to get yourself a lounge immediately. All
you need is a pop up tent some form of mat, and a crudely drawn sign declaring that it is in fact
a lounge and some inflatable furniture. It is not important that the furniture be inflated in anyway
just that it is there. To further decorate your lounge you just need to go to any 1960s era
playboy magazine and flip through the middle section for decorating advice. Get yourself the
cheapest shittiest alcohol possible with virtually no mixers or ice and wait for hashers to roll in.
It may be a good idea to get some glow sticks and put those around your lounge so when you
are drunk trying to find her way back it should be relatively easily. Although I brought 120 glow
sticks and couldn’t find a single one after a few hours. The possibility that they were all inserted is very probable. The Maxim of “never leaving camp” should or should not be followed depending on how you feel or don’t feel. If you could still feel anything at this point to camp out and kudos to you sir or madam. Just the promise of naked gay hikers was enough to get me off my ass into a pair of hot pants to check out EDM and Camel Toe‘s beautiful trail. The Boners took their usual shortcut and I am glad Orgy found the one poison ivy bush on the entire property. Boner up Orgy! Enjoy your prednisone!

The most shocking thing Out of the Woods did was barbecue cookies. This is Wood’s world and
we’re all just living in it.

The Tour de Franzia is not a race more than an endurance contest. Not an endurance of how
much you could drink per se, but how long you can keep you’re drunk teammates from
wandering off. In the tradition of hashing no one was explained the rules or even when the race
started. You’re either handed a bicycle, a frozen shirt, or a giant stolen wooden paddle and told
to do your best. The race sounds like a twisted drunkard’s nightmares involving cheering,
spankings, and a naked slip and slide.
If you want to participate in the costume portion of the weekend, it’s a real opportunity for you to show off your creativity. If you enjoy dressing up, this is the event for you. Or if you’re broke and can’t afford a $25 outfit from party city all you really need to do is apply some eye make up with a decent explanation. I would’ve been wildly disappointed if the DJ at the United States’
premier LGBT campground didn’t absolutely throw fastballs all night long. The key to this party
is to get as drunk as humanly possible because people that may have gotten hurt during the trail
or the Tour de Franzia were groaning into the wee hours of the night and their tents. So you
want to make sure you’re blackout drunk. The key to Sunday morning is to wake up as early as
possible, pack up your belongings and leave before somebody asked you to RA. Even though
there will probably at least a dozen people that were or still are RA’s, all of them would’ve lost
their voices at that point in the weekend. Congratulations to you! You survived your first campout!
Remember not to post any pictures except our LVH3 Facebook page and not to tag anyone that
has future political aspirations. Will see you next year!

PS someone totally took a shit right outside their tent.

On-On!

–T-Blowner

The post A Beginner’s Guide to Campout @ The Woods, from Campout 2018, by T-Blowner appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

When: 8/18/18

Where: South Mountain, Bethlehem (all the fuck over)

Who? – AND THE HARE: Ya Lion CLINT. Errrrrybody Else: Cumtucky Slurpee, Cause for Blindness, Just Brett, Just Manda, Egg Fucker, Swollen & Moist, Dunkin Hindz, 3Way Runaway, Cuntortionist, Tampon Phalanges, Just Naomi, Legends of the Fleshlight, Optopussy, Packs em in the rear, Bitch Tits, Puko De Mayo, and myself, your glorious leader AND fill-in hash trash for this wonderful event, A Boring Handjob!

What?: So no shit, there we were (in a world where there we were), hanging out in the Disc Golf parking lot, dodging errant dicks disks, when we were lead in a terrible, horrible circle by the one and only Cuntortionist. Wait..what? Cuntortionist was there? Nobody remembers for sure, but this $5er in my pocket says that she was in fact here….ISN’T THAT RIGHT, 3WAY?! After a rousing rendition of “how many different hashers is Egg Fucker today” the pack was off to play a little game called Up the Mountain, Down the Mountain. And that’s exactly what we did. Honestly, it makes for a super easy hash trash, because first we went up the mountain…

Then down the mountain…

Then up…

Then down…

Then up…

Then down…

But enough about that boring handjob. Let’s get back to trail. In the first mile or so, we managed to almost kill Cause getting down a super shiggylicious hill-side trail. We also managed to find (or be found by) Bitch Tits and Pukey in the middle of nowhere. It was probably the smell of our collective sexuality that lead them right towards us. And then there was BEER! AND SPINEY TREES TRYING TO KILL US! AND HOLY SHITBALLS, A MAGICAL DANCIN FOOL APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE! Almost forgot about that sneaky fucker because he never signed in, but there he was, a bag of trash and a random rake / trail treasure in hand.

A few more trips up and down the mountain brought us to bottle of fireball (YAY!) a huge briar patch (BOO!). We should have known we were in for a nice poking when Ya Lion put on pants for a trail in 90* weather. That fucking fuck. But honestly, it wasn’t so bad. Hell, the light pain actually turned Bitch Tits on. It was weird watching him fight his way through the stickers with his itty bitty boner a’showin’, but who are we to judge.

The final beer stop brought us to the south mountain / Lehigh U sculpture garden. The two highlights here were Dancin taking all the can art off the trees so he could recycle them (“No Dancin, No!” screamed Dunkin. “They belong there!”) And 3way LITERALLY giving birth to pukey out of his ass while sitting on the concrete throne. It was just as special as it sounds.

On-in Back to closing circle which was guest RA’d by Egg and Dunk….no wait, Dunkin is far too distracted by orange food to concern himself with circle. So our lovely guest RA EGG lost control of the circle, and we were all the better for it.

ON-ON TO 300!

-ABHJ

The post Trail #299 – A Cause Went Over the Mountain (subtitled: Me So Thorny) appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

HASH TRASH!

What’s up there wanks, it’s your friendly neighborhood Handjob bringing it to you LIVE (and/or a week or two later) with May’s Hash Trash! “But Handjob,” you ask, “I thought T-Blowner was Hash Trash…where’s that guy? Is he OK?” I’m not sure, sports fans…I’m not sure. Last I heard, he was eaten by a bear. Or maybe he was bare and eating? I can never remember these things, but don’t worry, he’ll be back and better than ever next month!

• Where: East Side Allentown, la Casa de Woods
• When: Trail #239, May 19th , 2018
• Why? To benefit LV Autism! We raised some money because we’re not d-bags ALL the time!
• Who! Roll call mothafucka!:
o Hares: Out of the Woods & Ghett Ho Inferno
o Halfminds: ME! (A Boring Handjob), 3way Runaway, Twink Baby, Phishy, Sex-A-Sketch, Packs em in the Rear, Skratch and Sick….er….Stiff, Just Alex, Fairy Cat Shit, Twinkle Twat, Dunkin Hindz, Silent But Deadly, PPP
o Virgins! : Just Manda (PPP Made her c*m….oooooooo baby)

• What?
o It was rainy and messy so I tried to dick-tate these notes on my phone through a plastic bag. All notes WILL be included whether or not they make sense.

o What should we expect for trail today? “No Specific Marks” – Ghetto inferno. We think that was supposed to mean that there were no special or unusual marks, but man did we not know how true that was. We had piles of crushed up cereal. We had mystery marks under fallen trees. We had little broken green army men that were acting as marks? But what we didn’t have? One single correctly laid true trail. But that’s ok…two virgin hares and all…

o Before we even left Woods’ house, Just Alex put his head through the rear screen door. There’s a joke in here about Woods’ enjoying somebody’s head going through his rear (door), but I will NOT stoop that low!

o Anddddddddd we’re off! We’re only like 8 bullets in and we’re finally on trail, where we found “just a few” fruit loops. And by just a few, I mean a lot. Piles and piles of crushed up fruit loops. Despite all these fruit loops, the entire pack essentially got lost immediately in and/or around a cemetery, so we spread out aimlessly for about ten minutes, when THANKFULLY Sex-a-sketch never actually found trail but he DID find a shot check!

o Shot Check #1! – There was a hula-hoop

o hidden in the middle of the woods with some booze in it. We drank said booze. We were supposed to take the hula-hoop with us, but we didn’t know that, so we left it as an offering to the shaggy gods. Oh, and 3way and SBD are lost as fuck. For all we know, they gave up and went home (narrator: they should have)

o Beer near #1 – A short jaunt out of the woods (get it) after the first shot check, we find a nice pickup truck BN in a parking lot. Everybody is chillin and HOLY FUCKING SHITSNACKS HERE COME 3WAY AND SBD. We’re glad they’re alive. I throw a beer to SBD and he drops it. Alcohol abuse….SAD!

o It was right about this time that we encountered the worlds largest hash mark…which was either a check and/or a really ugly question mark that took up the entire intersection. Needless to say, we still almost missed it.

o Shot Check #2 – This was up a hill under an overpass. Up, under, over, for those of you paying attention. My notes say “Taken at your own risk. Twinkle says duck [sic] no. FSC Tries and fails. ‘Good old poop dick!’ – 3way” So, as you can see, things were getting weird by this point. ACCUSATION: 3way and Just Alex and Twink all performed unnecessary working out on trail. It wasn’t sex, because I know you’re thinking it was sex. Ok…maybe it was sex.

o BN#2 – Casa de Twink-way Town. – we stop at the crib for a quick round, and the hares are out of flour. They’ve gone through like 6 bags and 3 boxes of cereal. It’s some kinda record. So far SBD is already at 4.5 miles, but only like 1 of those miles has actually been following trail. He’s blacked out twice, and has no idea where he is at this point.

o Shot check #3! – Shot check #3 is literally just a bottle of red stag sitting in the middle of a playground. An occupied playground, with actual real life human children. FSC Proudly proclaims: “Well, I hate myself, so I’m going for it!” This is both glorious, and an open invitation for us all to get arrested. Ghett Ho stuck around for a bit too long to ensure that the Red Stag didn’t get stolen, and Packs ‘em caught her. He was rewarded for catching the hares by getting a shit load of flour dumped on him and getting his ass slapped. Sounds like a good time to me!

o On-in / circle!: Ummm….highlights – Q: “Cat shit, how many” A: “….12 cat shits”. 3-way tried to steal all the prizes, but then came back b/c home was too far away. Woods is a serious fucking pyro. And an in-ground baby pool was conceived.

On-On!
-A Boring HandJob

The post Up up and awa-… er… ON ON! Third Saturday May 2018! appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

When I’m having trouble with the website or I just want to annoy the neighbors with loud music, I call this guy. It’s EDM! Who would name someone Erect Dick Maker? And why? Let’s ask him!

Actual: Running in front of F-Nana for miles (in circles because we were lost. Fuck you Pourgasm trails) blastin’ tunes.
Better: While not a gaylord myself, I certainly hope those aren’t bananas in their pockets when I see those beautiful boys.

Favorite trail and why?

Ya Lion’s Hot and Wet. Because Hot. and. Wet. and. music playing from an innertube floating down the river.

What was going through your noggin after your first hash?

Well. “After” has to be relative to when I started making memories again. I promptly woke up the next morning next to Illegal Discharge (who was not a hasher then, nor was she there) and asked “Wait. how the fuck did I get home? I want to do that ALWAYS”

I think it is safe to assume that wasn’t the worst thing you’ve ever done. So tell us the what you consider to be your best bad decision.

Travelhashing with San Diego Hump’n Hash and swimming to their yacht beer check with my iphone and speaker while on a business trip. THAT was a great call to corporate “hey can you overnight me a new phone? because. water”

You know nothing Jon Snow!

The post EDM! appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

This may have been a terrible idea… But… it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve talked to stuffed animals… So here goes.
BDB, with the absence of a proper hashshit, I guess it’s only natural to find some other nonsensical vessel of poor decisions. Looks like you’re it! This is the part of the interview where we usually ask how one has acquired their hash name. So tell us…

“Here’s what you need to know: I’m a goddamn stuffed animal. I exist to bring joy to small children. Basically, my life is supposed to be toy story without the rough trade undertones. So, there I was, sitting on the shelf just waiting to be plucked by some parent so I could go and brighten some small child’s day. My first clue that this wouldn’t be my fate was Sex-A-Sketch’s fucked up grin as he grabbed me.
Fuck him.
So then he took me back to his fucking house. You been there? He decorates like a sexless 19-year-old nerd combined with a less-tasteful Ed Gein. Whatever, I thought I had a forever home, I could work with this. Then the torture started. He tossed me down on a table and cut my back open. HE WAS CACKLING WHILE HE TORE MY STUFFING OUT. Then he shoved a bottle of whiskey inside me.
Look, I’m not saying Sex-A-Sketch is a serial killer, but he certainly shows all the fucking signs.
So, you thought this story was dark? Well, strap yourself in and get ready for the razor-blade cherry on top of the arsenic sundae.
HE FUCKING GAVE ME THAT FUCKING OVERGROWN BABY LOOKING FUCK – FAIRY CAT SHIT!!!
I was supposed to give children joy. Instead I’m hauled around by the worst of you. Once I knew happiness, now I only feel rage.
So, FCS decided, with the same tact that he handles all things, that I would be bad decision bear. And now I whisper horrible things in his ear so you can know my pain.”

Jeesus. We’re gonna sign up for an episode of Dr. Phil after this. And maybe hire a catholic priest. Next question! Favorite trail!?

“A few years ago, I got FCS so drunk that he was chugging fireball in front of a police station and Sex-A-Sketch had to leave trail and get him food. It was just a very small amount of payback.”

We were also chugging Mucinex before circle like a bunch of grade school kids! Alright, the cherry popping question: Thoughts after your first trail?”

“I WAS MEANT TO BRING CHILDREN JOY BUT NOW THERES A BOTTLE SHOVED INSIDE ME. THERE IS NO GOD. YOU PEOPLE DESERVE YOUR SUFFERING!”

Let it out, brother. Finally, Best bad decision?

“Everytime FCS buys you people a ridiculous, disturbing number of shots. Because then you know a fraction of my pain!”

The post BAD DECISION BEAR! appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

The post 2018 LVH3 and CUNTH3 Campout – June 8 – 10 appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

“I like my handjobs booring, and singular”

What is Mismanagement?

Grand Master

A Boring Handjob "HJ's for everyone! ZJs you ask? No, you can't afford it."

Grand Master

Joint Masters

Sex-A-Sketch "Sexy mofo from parts unknown. Also: Jupiter is bad for hashing. Don't go there."

Joint Masters

Joint Masters

Red Cock Down "Flour, trail, and beer"

Joint Masters

Religious Advisor

Cuntortionist "Not sure what the hell a "bulrb" is but here's a little about me... LVH3 member for 7 years, I love sarcasm, its like punching people in the face, but with words... I am a ginger so piss me off and I will take your soul and make it a freckle on my ass!"

Religious Advisor

Religious Advisor

Fairy Cat Shit "I outsource all my decisions to Bad Decision Bear."

Religious Advisor

Father Humper

AARP: Definition; “What do you do with a drunken Hasher, What do you do with a drunken Hasher, What do you do with a drunken Hasher, After too many Down Downs?”

Father Humper

Hair Razer

3way runaway "Bears.. Beets.. Battlestar Galactica.. "

Hair Razer

Hash Scribe

T-Blowner "So what, I just write whatever I want about myself in this box and it’ll show up on the website?" ^Never question this man's genius. Or EDM's ability to take things literally.

Hash Scribe

Hair Razer

PPP "I like slowwww runs in the woods, vodka, unicorns, hugs, and calendars!"

Hair Razer

Hash Cash / Haberdashery

In Your Head lives a double life. She may actually get in your head or just your beer pending on the weekend.

Hash Cash / Haberdashery

Hash Flash

Twinkle Twat

Hash Flash

Camp Tramp

SnatchChat Reasons I'm awesome: 1) I love to cook 2) I'm fun to be around 3) If 1 and 2 aren't enough, look at my butt!

Camp Tramp

Camp Tramp

Skratch N Stiff "I R Hasher....and king of the misfit toys! ( just ask me )"

Camp Tramp

Webmaster

E.D.M. "Winter is cuming. Get some snow today"

Webmaster

• <

  >
  

  Grand Master

  A Boring Handjob "HJ's for everyone! ZJs you ask? No, you can't afford it."
• <

  >
  

  Joint Masters

  Sex-A-Sketch "Sexy mofo from parts unknown. Also: Jupiter is bad for hashing. Don't go there."
• <

  >
  

  Joint Masters

  Red Cock Down "Flour, trail, and beer"
• <

  >
  

  Religious Advisor

  Cuntortionist "Not sure what the hell a "bulrb" is but here's a little about me... LVH3 member for 7 years, I love sarcasm, its like punching people in the face, but with words... I am a ginger so piss me off and I will take your soul and make it a freckle on my ass!"
• <

  >
  

  Religious Advisor

  Fairy Cat Shit "I outsource all my decisions to Bad Decision Bear."
• <

  >
  

  Father Humper

  AARP: Definition; “What do you do with a drunken Hasher, What do you do with a drunken Hasher, What do you do with a drunken Hasher, After too many Down Downs?”
• <

  >
  

  Hair Razer

  3way runaway "Bears.. Beets.. Battlestar Galactica.. "
• <

  >
  

  Hash Scribe

  T-Blowner "So what, I just write whatever I want about myself in this box and it’ll show up on the website?" ^Never question this man's genius. Or EDM's ability to take things literally.
• <

  >
  

  Hair Razer

  PPP "I like slowwww runs in the woods, vodka, unicorns, hugs, and calendars!"
• <

  >
  

  Hash Cash / Haberdashery

  In Your Head lives a double life. She may actually get in your head or just your beer pending on the weekend.
• <

  >
  

  Hash Flash

  Twinkle Twat
• <

  >
  

  Camp Tramp

  SnatchChat Reasons I'm awesome: 1) I love to cook 2) I'm fun to be around 3) If 1 and 2 aren't enough, look at my butt!
• <

  >
  

  Camp Tramp

  Skratch N Stiff "I R Hasher....and king of the misfit toys! ( just ask me )"
• <

  >
  

  Webmaster

  E.D.M. "Winter is cuming. Get some snow today"

The post 2018 Mismanagement appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

GLORY HOLE!

We need to get to the bottom of this. How did you “earn” that name? And we expect details. For posterity.

Once upon a time, at LST, a bunch of hashers ended up discussing Glory Hole’s, one person in particular, was willing to admit she either didn’t know what it was or was unsure. I requested her to share with the group what she though it was, either she was going to get it right, and nothing happens, or she was wrong and we all get a good laugh pending the response. She didnt fall for it, and as the rumor goes I harassed her for hours to tell us. Finally she obliged and she was correct in knowing what it was. There was a debate it she should get the name or me for being a persistent ass-hat. Clearly I won out.

I like the part where she “obliged.” Next! Your favorite trail. It can even include the Bandit Truck Stop. Actually, we’re counting on it.

It was hard to narrow down my favorite trail so I picked a few of them…

Golden Showers May Fair Trail: A fine trail, that went through a wedding and had a slip and slide at the end on Cedar Crest Campus.

Ya Lion CLINT’s Hot and Wet: Mostly rough trail with about 30-60 min of tubing in the middle of it

St Patty’s Fatty at Pork Pullers house: Sunny, 70 degrees, everyone was drunk, everyone ended up at the hindquarters, myself and two others were all being flirted with by another hasher, a lot of us ended up naked in a hot tub.

Gaylords St Patty trail: We all wore banana hammocks and were greeted with sub freezing temperatures and snow. Which made going up a massive hill a lot more difficult and fun.

Random ITTOTM: A trail with two banana’s being chased by two gorilla’s, you cant go wrong with that.

Jabber Jaws AGM: Not so much of a trail, but AGM was at a hash staple bar, which ended with A LOT of people swapping clothes for about an hour, I found a gorilla suit in the broom closet which I was allowed to wear, Ya Lion CLINT was dared to (and did) walk naked to the main bar where a metal band was playing and someone bought him a free shot, Cumtuckey Slurpee was named and bathed in beer and orange food.

Alright, people got places to be. First thoughts after virgin trail?

I could get behind this…met some pretty chill people, we started at a bar that is my nerd name, a person I just met was friendly and bought me a beer, and lovely women in yoga pants.

Best bad decision? It’s tough, I know. But try to narrow it down.

First campout I made the strong push for Jello wrestling, after bringing it up, a fellow hasher stated it was on her bucket list, so I let her take the wheel because I was also trying to organize beer olympics. Her and ‘Egg F’cker’ made it happen. A lot of fun was had. She got named ‘J-E-L-L Ho’.

A separate camp out, I made another great drunk choice to allow ‘Out Of The Woods’ to do a shot of fireball out of my ass crack. Afterwards I was upset ‘Pork Puller’ and others were not watching, determined to show them and in an agreement with ‘The Shocker’, we did round two. The agreement was that if I let him do it a second time, I could do a third shot from her boobs. I stopped making memories after the second shot #fail.

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Meet our Father Humper for the 2017 LVH3 mismanagement!!!! 

A BORING HANDJOB!!!

Not a story I’d generally investigate… but, how did you Cum to be known as … A BORING HANDJOB?

It’s complicated. Some folks weren’t happy after a failed first naming, and this appeared out of the ashes. No real story value, but it’s a funny name so I’ve learned to embrace it!

That is pretty boring… acceptable hash behavior? Maybe? Fuck it… Anyway, what was your favorite trail and why?

In no particular order 1 – Dublin H3, because it was really unique and my first international hash. 2 – My moving humper in March ’17. So much fun. 3 – Hot Cockolate and I hosted a BFM trail in ’15 and it was EPIC.

You don’t follow instructions very well… but that is definitely acceptable hash behavior. On-on to: Thoughts after your virgin trail…

Total, complete shitshow. And I loved every minute of it.

Probably because there were no handjobs involved… speaking of… Best bad decision!?

Ever? Possible climbing to the top of the Hill-to-Hill (Rt 378) Bridge in college. I got arrested, which sucked, but the stories (almost) made it worth it. Plus, it was awesome.

The post Father Humper of the 2017 MM!!! appeared first on Lehigh Valley Hash House Harriers.

Once the particulars were finished, GLORYHOLE took over RA duties and sent the hare, SEX-A-SKETCH, away. Before long the pack was out. Around a corner from circle, the pack already split. FUCK NANA took his usual balls to the wall FRB approach to the left while others went to the right. Fortunately for the majority of the pack that didn’t follow NANA, they were on on. Around a bend in to the shiggy as the pack went though fields and even rolled JUST DEVON’s ankle. Like the bearded brute he is, it didn’t slow him down. Much. It helped that his bearded twinsie, JUST MORGAN, was there for moral support. Soon the pack came across a shot check. Some milky goodness that could have been from the hare, a hare or any animal there. But the pack liked it and carried on on into the woods. (Not to be confused with OUT OF THE WOODS, he didn’t join the party.)

Somewhere along the way the FRBs got way ahead of the DFLs which essentially split the pack in half. There were trees, bugs, water, and a trail. Somehow we worked our way in and and around a bunch of it. There was also a road. Yep, somewhere along the trail we reached macadam. There was honking and waving. There was cut grass and a church. There was a even a song check on a corner. I’m not sure if anyone got any tips, but if they did, it was just the tip. Promise.

At some sneaky spot the pack ditched off the trail for a beer near at a shack of a hide out. It was complete with a bench, table and hobo couch. (Not to be confused with HOBO PISS. She didn’t join the party either.) At the hide out party, the pack was graced by the musical stylings of ERECTED DICK MAKER and the dancing stylings of ILLEGAL DISCHARGE. It’s almost as if they bring the rave vibe to any trails they join.

Back on to the trail. The pack shuffled and bumped their way past marks. Eventually they came to a floor is lava check at a play ground. The parents and their children didn’t seem too startled when this group of half minds started monopolizing the equipment. There were even a kid or two that wanted to join our picture. Talk about corruption… We continued on past the soccer game. TAMPON PHALANGES seemed really interested in the game to the point that he was jetting right away from the pack to get closer. After further ogling of the soccer mom’s, he realized that no, DADDY CAME had not stopped to watch the match. She was actually up ahead in the pack. Silly TP. We emerged at another road with a trail overpass. Fortunately for the DFL half of the pack, the FRB half had just found the false trail and were now in eye shot for the DFLs to catch up. We crossed a field, saw some bunnies and traversed a pirate bridge complete with dead bodies and shiggy that tried to capture PAPPA’S PUSSY PUSSY and COCKTURNAL. Not today shiggy. Not today. Finally another beer near emerged like a mirage as the palace came in to site.

Palace Pizza was an amazing place for a beer near. We could smell the garlic knots and buffalo pizza from across the bar. It didn’t take long for most of the pack to start snacking. You would have thought everyone had the munchies or something. Must have been all the shiggy and bug spray that got everyone famished.

With bellies full of beer and pizza, the pack wobbled back on to trail. We went along streets for a while which was a twilight zone-ish for a SEX trail. But on on we went. We found our way past a sad check just in front of XXX. We crossed our way back to the rail trail and eventually found another beer near tucked in the woods. This is where much of the pack got comfortable to rest off the pizza. CHASEZ BOYZ led the way in some song and fellowship. JUST MEGAN, T-BLOWNER, FAIRY CAT SHIT, and maybe even our loan visitor, HARED TODAY CUM TOMORROW may have even been dancing. Now the party was really starting. After beers were drank, fun was had, and some goth teens appeared, the pack was on on.

This is where trail got weird. Because it wasn’t weird at any point prior to this very moment. Not at all. There seems to be two trails. One on the rail trail and one adjacent. The adjacent one went up and down hills and valleys. It went to the edge of cliffs. It actually produced a shot check. But then it stopped. WTF. The pack was split. Lucky for THREE WAY RUNAWAY, he was with a group made up of more than two girls so he didn’t need to run away from them. That half of the pack apparently were not on actually trail but not completely lost. We ended up barging through some guys yard. Luckily he didn’t have his ax in his hand at the moment, but he did comment that they guy in the skirt that was ahead of us was an asshole. Thanks NANA. Take the panties off. When we finally made it back to the start, we were surprised to see the entire rest of the pack, including JUSY SPACEBOY had made it. Damn that wiley hare and his shitty trail!

Circle ensued. The most common accusation was for sitting in circle. Again. And again. And again. And… You get the point. Some people never learn. Once circle closed, a naming began.

JUST MEGAN has a way of making grown men weak by messing with the heads. Head? Who said head???? So from this day forward she will forever be known as IN YOUR HEAD. Welcome to the dark side.

On-fucking-on.

~Snatch out

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