A Beginner’s Guide to Campout @ The Woods, from Campout 2018, by T-Blowner

A beginner’s Guide to Campout @ The Woods! (A Hash Trash Production)

 

Campout is one of those things where I had absolutely no idea what to expect yet I knew exactly
what I was going to get. I was a little shocked that I didn’t hit the over in the Prince Albert
piercing (O/U 14.5) . I was pleasantly surprised at how clean it was. That is the campsites and
not the penis piercings. I tip my hat to Scratch and Stiffy and the rest of the campout team for
organizing an amazing event. No word yet on in on the status of his penis piercing. As a first
timer, my favorite part was definitely meeting all the amazing hashera that traveled very very far
for this event. It was good to see so many people from BFM come up. Thursday is a drinking
day not a hashing day. Very much looking forward to going to your campout. Skull and Boners
was also well represented and we are very happy to have them back in Pennsylvania. They
bring a wonderful ruggedness from beyond the wall at a talent for bull’s eying poison ivy. The
furthest away Hasher to travel to our camp at I believe came from Alaska. I tried to take a poll
but a virgin wearing a light up fairy costume came up to me, threw a leg on my shoulder and
mixed shots right my mouth. After that I had some annunciation issues (editor’s note: MORE enunciation issues) and resumed checking for penis piercings. I was very happy that I volunteered to cook breakfast next morning.

The best advice I can give you guys as a beginner is to get yourself a lounge immediately. All
you need is a pop up tent some form of mat, and a crudely drawn sign declaring that it is in fact
a lounge and some inflatable furniture. It is not important that the furniture be inflated in anyway
just that it is there. To further decorate your lounge you just need to go to any 1960s era
playboy magazine and flip through the middle section for decorating advice. Get yourself the
cheapest shittiest alcohol possible with virtually no mixers or ice and wait for hashers to roll in.
It may be a good idea to get some glow sticks and put those around your lounge so when you
are drunk trying to find her way back it should be relatively easily. Although I brought 120 glow
sticks and couldn’t find a single one after a few hours. The possibility that they were all inserted is very probable. The Maxim of “never leaving camp” should or should not be followed depending on how you feel or don’t feel. If you could still feel anything at this point to camp out and kudos to you sir or madam. Just the promise of naked gay hikers was enough to get me off my ass into a pair of hot pants to check out EDM and Camel Toe‘s beautiful trail. The Boners took their usual shortcut and I am glad Orgy found the one poison ivy bush on the entire property. Boner up Orgy! Enjoy your prednisone!

The most shocking thing Out of the Woods did was barbecue cookies. This is Wood’s world and
we’re all just living in it.

The Tour de Franzia is not a race more than an endurance contest. Not an endurance of how
much you could drink per se, but how long you can keep you’re drunk teammates from
wandering off. In the tradition of hashing no one was explained the rules or even when the race
started. You’re either handed a bicycle, a frozen shirt, or a giant stolen wooden paddle and told
to do your best. The race sounds like a twisted drunkard’s nightmares involving cheering,
spankings, and a naked slip and slide.
If you want to participate in the costume portion of the weekend, it’s a real opportunity for you to show off your creativity. If you enjoy dressing up, this is the event for you. Or if you’re broke and can’t afford a $25 outfit from party city all you really need to do is apply some eye make up with a decent explanation. I would’ve been wildly disappointed if the DJ at the United States’
premier LGBT campground didn’t absolutely throw fastballs all night long. The key to this party
is to get as drunk as humanly possible because people that may have gotten hurt during the trail
or the Tour de Franzia were groaning into the wee hours of the night and their tents. So you
want to make sure you’re blackout drunk. The key to Sunday morning is to wake up as early as
possible, pack up your belongings and leave before somebody asked you to RA. Even though
there will probably at least a dozen people that were or still are RA’s, all of them would’ve lost
their voices at that point in the weekend. Congratulations to you! You survived your first campout!
Remember not to post any pictures except our LVH3 Facebook page and not to tag anyone that
has future political aspirations. Will see you next year!

PS someone totally took a shit right outside their tent.

 

On-On!

–T-Blowner

 

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