Well. This is a little different. Maybe it’s because I’m sober right now. Which is all kinds of unacceptable. But I digress.
I’ve been slacking a little on the Trash lately. I plan to rectify (RECTIFY!? I hardly… nevermind) that if I can ever find my notes from the previous two 3rd Saturday hashes. They’re around here somewhere…
Anywho, A Boring Handjob, our latest transplant from BFM, came out to a humper two weeks ago and asked about doing a humper trash. I told him I never gave it a lot of thought, I (usually) take care of the 3rd Saturdays and big events (unless haring). And since I can’t always make the humpers he was more than welcum to vomit on his keyboard, take a picture of it and send it along. So he did.
I wasn’t there so I’m gonna be quiet now.
” A little long, but she never complains…
Summer Humper 3.16: “For God so loved the world that He gave them the Hash, and whoever believes in the Hash shall receive many down downs.”
Subtitled: The High End Mall Bar Crawl (because we so fancy)
Holy shitballs, my first Trash! I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m horny, I’m hungover, and I have no idea what I’m doing, so let’s get right to it.
· When: 6/15/16
· Where: Keystone Pub, Whitehall
· Hare: Thr3way Runaway
o A Boring Handjob (That’s me, motherfuckers)
o Daddy Came and her hetero-lifemate The Shocker
o Camel Toe
o Ass to Mouth
o Busted Boogie
o UR Cutoffs (sans cutoffs)
o I C Poop (hybrid name) – post straw draw, sneaky bugger
o Glory Hole and Pork Puller – also post straw draw, but we’ll allow it since they hared last week
o Cumtuckee Slurpee – showed up at Chilis for the free chips and dip
o Ya Lion Clint – who showed up….somewhere on trail. No seriously, where the fuck did that guy come from?
Your glorious leader 3way picked a great bar in a lousy hash area so the Hash Gods instantly paid him some karma, and off we went! I have no idea how to organize my chaotic notes, so here are random observations and things I learned on trail:
· Gin is the best water. Science.
· Playground checks are a place for fun, and to act like a kid again. Unless you’re some guy who looks exactly like Cutoffs, in which case you’re going to get stuck in the jungle gym. It wasn’t Cutoffs who got stuck….it was some guy who looked exactly like him. Weird.
· At Beer Check #1 (Chilis) – Cutoffs opens up a fajita tray to find no remaining wraps. He waxes poetic that he’s more disappointed than when Hitler saw his gas bill
· Who wouldn’t have sex with Jason Werth? For that matter, who wouldn’t have sex with a sexy sasquatch? – ICPoop asking the important questions
· Roughly 15 feet from BC 1 to BC 2. At Beer Check #2 (Olive Garden) – ATM walks in, asks the bartender if he has chips. The bartender answers “no”, so ATM proceeds to throw a giant bag of chips from Chilis on the bar and starts going to town. Life Lesson: When you’re a party animal, you bring your own fucking chips.
· “A peach bellini for the lady!” – Cutoffs
· Apparently Cameltoe macked on dude bartender and jumped ahead of some people in the drink queue. I’M NOT BITTER. However, acceptable hash behavior, and only the tip of the iceberg as far as Cameltoe’s mackin’ is concerned.
· 3way died at 854 7th St. We came upon the chalk outline and Cutoffs signed it. Rest in Peace homie. Many downdowns will be had in your honor.
· Beer Check #3 (Red Lobster) – “We’ll have a live lobster…to go.” More frozen drinks were ordered, cheddar bay biscuits were consumed, and somebody got his mack, his groove, and his schwerve on. You know who you are.
· Beer Check #4 (B-dubs) turns into circle, which effectively changes trail 3.16 into an A-B. Shenanigans ensued.
o Trail sucked because: no tit checks, only 6 frozen drinks were consumed, and not enough crabs. Etc, etc.
o FRBs: ATM, Glory, and Liquor
o DFLs: Lion, Cutoff, Liquor, Pork
§ If you weren’t wearing any stickers, if you drank no frozen drinks, if you did not participate in the playground check, if you’re NOT cameltoe, and if you didn’t diddle the hare (I think – I’m not sure what that note means). Oh, and somebody falsely accused lion of wearing a skirt and then I saw his balls. So, I’ve got that going for me….which is nice.
§ Go see Scratch & Sniff / Walt! Do it!
§ LVH3 Trail on Sat. It’s going to be hot and wet, and if it’s not hot and wet, it’ll be hot and bothered.
So yeah, that’s that. If you have any tips, tricks, or suggestions on how to make my second Trash better than my first, go ahead and see below for instructions!