It was a cold and stormy night… Actually, it was a winter afternoon with plenty of weather shiggy to go around. It had snowed the week before covering trails with snow and ice. On top of that, it was precipitating most of the day with a constant mist of rain/mini snow flakes. Perfect for a duo of virgin and newbie hares to pop into hating play.
But we did… And it was good…
Much to our surprise, even with shitty, er…, shiggy weather, there were nearly twenty people out for this trail. A bunch of LVH3 regulars, some long timers, and even some visitors. INFECTIOUS ERECTUS brought JUST RACHEL. CAMEL TO YA HO brought LIPS. JUST JOE made a guest appearance as did TOUR DE PUKE.
After much rejoicing at the solid turn out, we circled up. There was a blessing and the hares, yours truly, and AARP, were out.
The rest is a fucking mystery to me so I’ll just make it up. 10% true, right?
Our fearless RA, SCRATCH N STIFF, had the pack in stitches with his antics. GOES DOWN ON THE REBOUND nearly pissed herself from laughing. CUNTORTIONIST provided hash entertainment by climbing the pavilion pillars like poles. Luckily there were no splinters. CAUSE FOR BLINDNESS and PLACENTA POUNER led most of the songs in spite of SILENT BUT DEADLY’s efforts to push the pack out of control. All the while, SEX A SKETCH was wrestling with DRUNXATAWNY BILL for being particularly ornery since he didn’t have his morning beer.
Finally, the pack was out before too much debauchary ensued. This was going to be a marathon and thankfully their Halfminds mustered up enough sense to save some for later.
They followed the rainbow trail down the road and before long found a pot of gold! Actually, there were many mini pots of gold. Pot of gold shots, that is. And they were delicious. And there was much rejoicing. On-on!
Trail lead onto a snowy trail that slowed the pack down. In spite of the rain pelting everyone in the face, the route was quite picturesque along the river with a bit of snow cover. But who was looking at the scenery when they were trying to stay upright on the icy, snowy, rainbow marked trail???
After 12.6 miles of snow sludge, a new mark appeared… J. And TYPE A HOLE, on his analversary, found it. To his delight or dismay, that FRB was rewarded or punished with two libations he was to deliver and share with the DFL.
The rest of the pack continued on marks on actual pavement. Through twists and turns and even church stairs, they eventually reached a beer near. Our trail support, JUST BETHANY, had a dry place prepared for a break from the weather and some Irish Breakfast. Who knew double fisting would be so satisfying on a cold and rainy day? It may have been too much for THREE WAY RUNAWAY to bare as he sprawled out for a quick street side photo shoot. Keep an eye out for the 2018 edition of the Naughty Leprechaun calendar… This was also where our adulty auto hasher, SHRED HER, began plotting her corgi-knapping. The hash can neither confirm nor deny any activities that may or may not have occurred following that point. On-on!
Up hills and through alleys, the pack continued on their grueling quest for the next stop. Late comers, GLORYHOLE had to make up some time since he confused Nazareth with Northampton and arrived on trail halfway through. Sure, blame it on the gps. You know, they both start with N. All the other letters are just too much to manage. Unless… It’s a J! Yes, another FRB received the privilege and delivering another tasty libation to the DFL and enjoying some wet libations together. All the feels.
Somehow the pack got hung up at a five way intersection. We all know three-ways are hard enough so it’s not surprising they couldn’t keep it together. Eventually they found the right marks for the next beer near.
The Gin Mill really raised our beer near bar with a private room and our own bartenders. It’s like they’ve known us forever! In addition to the amazing hashpitality, this is also where PORK PULLER appeared after having been victim to GLORY’s deviant gps. After relishing in the sweet digs of our cushy beer near, the hour was growing later. The food police, RED COCK DOWN, scurried the hares out before people started ordering food and we never made it to the end of trail. On-on!
There was running and street crossing and magical coins on the way back to circle. The pack dribbled in, warm on the inside and wet on the outside. There were accusations and singing and YA LION CUNT hanging from the rafters. Just another day, for you and me, in hasher paradise. Join us.
– Snatch out