LVH3 Trail #271: Easter Your F*cking Face Off Galore (4/15-16/17

It’s not often that 2nd Friday and 3rd Saturday fall on the same weekend, but when they do, it’s fucking epic! Hash trash typically only covers 3rd Saturdays but I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the awesome tri-fuckta of trails that took place this magical weekend.

It started Friday afternoon as hashers rolled up upon the Rebound abode to a beautiful country scene complete with signage directing halfmind traffic to short term (just Larriken trail) or long term (overnight) parking. The attention to detail our hostess GOES DOWN ON THE REBOUND and her support staff and uber visitor, DICK IN HAND provided was superb.

Gradually the field on the property was dotted with tents popping up and hashers mingling about with bulging anticipation of debauchery galore. No camp out would be complete without the CAMEL Lounge or the INFECTIOUS Zone (complete with his victim, JUST RACHEL). Even the mobile PORK HOLE and COCK HEAVIN abodes were erected. Others among the long term pack were UPPER CUNT, ORGY PORGY PUDDING & PIE, JUST SOOKEY, PACKED IN THE CAN, HUFFY PUFFY PINK AND FLUFFY, GRANDFATHER COCK, WHISKEY DORK, PANTYFILE, JUST JOE, JUST SHAWN, JUST REENA, JUST KRISTEN with her side kick JUST PINK AND FLUFFY, PAPPA’S PUSSY PUSSY, UNDER THE GAYDAR, ASS TO MOUTH, RED COCK DOWN, RUBBER RIPPER, TWINK BABY, and the one and only GM of the year, SEX A SKETCH. The crowd grew with throbbing excitement as LVH3ers were joined by representatives from Reading, BFM, Philly, Hershey-Harrisburg, Pittsburgh, Wolf Pack, and more. In addition to the long term pack, there were a few one pump trail goers including FUDGE PACKER, IN-U-END-O, RUNNER GIRL, and TWAT SQUAT. When the mounting thrill was too much to bear, our masterful RA, SCRATCH N STIFF, circled up the pack for a monumental release into a good time.

Our hostess/hare was away while the pack welcomed all of the visitors and our lone virgin! What a way to have your cherry popped! JUST Annalisa’s host really set her up for a initiation by fire with a weekend like this. Without further adu, the pack was out.

Trail went up hills and through valleys. There were marks and checks and in the end… Food!

And we ate. We ate for hours. And there was much rejoicing. With stiff muscles and full bellies, the camp fire gathering started. As everyone got comfortable, the one trail wonders started filtering out while the overnighters raged on. The fire was hot and the drinks were cold. The entertainment got particularly exciting when a flip cup dress exchange ensued. The most interesting observations came in the form of who was most excited about “winning” the dress and who had surprisingly poor flip cup abilities. You never know what you’ll learn at a hash event.

At some point, there was a Shooting Star trail. The hare had a really difficult time leading the loaded crowd from tent to tent to sample the tasty libations their fellow check hosts provided. They started, they drank, they circled around fire. At some point, there may or may not have been sleeping for some people. You had to be there to figure out the rest.

Then the sun rose. And gradually the hashers rose. And there was more food. Lots of delicious food. A solid base of nourishment to fuel the pack for the third trail was provided. The next fearless hare, THREEWAY RUNAWAY wisely preludes with a gallon on pedialite to replenish his trail/camping escapades. His co-hare, STATUTE OF LICKITATIONS eventually arrived as did more short term hashers. THREE BALLS, SHOCKER, DADDY CAME, ERECTED MAKER, and even YA LION CUNT for a glimpse, all circled up. The hares were away and soon the pack followed.

Down the road and into the woods we went.  Yes, IN to the woods.  Through some shiggy and up a Reading style mountain through a field and down the other side to our first beer near.  On-On!

Down the road and into more shiggy.  Across a stream and through the woods.  JUST JOE found some old bottles.  GOES DOWN ON THE REBOUND found a skull.  It was quite the spot for trail treasure.  On on we went past fuzzy goats and alpaca.  With more of the pack stopping for pictures, the trail continued on to rail road tracks.  On on we went and went and went.  Along the way more trail treasure was found.  Balls.  Lots of balls.  Wilson the volleyball and an old kickball.  The trick was keeping them going without losing them.  Not injuring each other or getting hit by a rogue motorcycle or tractor in the road was a bonus.  Eventually we arrived at the next beer near.  To everyone by EDM’s se, GHETTO INFERNO appeared out of no where.  As if that wasn’t surprising enough, she also had two virgins with her!  JUST MIA and JUST RYAN had a mid trail virgin briefing and welcome.  Their enthusiasm for trail was colored with a spectrum of gray.  On-On!

Up more hills and over the other side, the pack continued.  More shiggy and twists through the country side.  Guess what we came upon next…  A beer near!  More tomfoolery and the pack was on on.

This time down the hill, past the slightly skeptical farmer eyeing up the pack, and into more shiggy.  At least they were supposed to go into the shiggy.  Most of the pack may or may not have stayed to the road to find the next marks.  Eventually the pack found a turkey-eagle split.  The eagles ran or walked up a mountain while the majority of turkeys took a play break on some tractors before piling in to pick up trucks for a ride to the next beer near.  At the top of the mountain the pack gathered up for BN #4.

On on down and up more mountains and on in to the Rebound ranch.  Circle convened around the fire.  Songs and accusations, a proper welcome for our mid trail virgins…

And we had a naming! JUST JOE will now forever be known as PACKS ‘EM IN THE REAR. Welcome home, brother hasher. Welcome home.

The hash went in peace but that wasn’t the end.  Slowly but surely the property was cleaned up and the hashers cleaned out.  But not before more Shower Beer H3 initiations took place.  At one point, there was more sausage out on display than in a butcher shop. The hashers still using their half minds stuck to the tent field for fear of what they might stumble upon in the house. Eventually, the shower beerers emerged covered enough that they probably wouldn’t get arrested. Probably.

If you’re regoed for the official LVH3 Campout, get ready. This trifuckta weekend was a pre-lube to the debauchery ahead. If you’re not regoed, cum see us on a regular trail for just the tip of the fun to be had.

On-fucking-on,
Snatch out.

Posted in Hash Trash.

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