LVH3 Trail #272: Armed Forces (6/20/2017)

The armed forces trail is LVH3’s observation of Memorial Day. Surprising or not, we don’t have a lot of military in our kennel and the few we do have were otherwise committed with things like Army drill, camp outs, and firefighting. So what is a bunch of civilians to do for their Armed Forces trail with no Armed Forces? Call in reinforcements! Trail was “hared” by our fearless GM SEX-A-SKETCH, and one of our favorite neighbors (and veterans), Reading’s GM, FOOT FAIRY.

But FOOT wasn’t the only Reading hasher to join us. Because when one Reading hasher travels, ALL Reading hashers travel! Almost. And true to form, they showed up. At 13:15. For a 14:00 trail. And where were most of the LVH3 hashers? Not even leaving their houses or calling their Ubers yet because we notoriously run on FST (Freddie Standard time), which is late.

The visitors almost took over. Up until TST (Trail Start Time), it was about 69% Reading, making the LVH3ers the visitors to their own trail. Thankfully, by the circle time, LVH3 tipped the scales to about 69% LVH3. Around 14:45, we finally circled up, the hares were blessed and one of them, SEX, was out while FOOT finished up circle.

FOOT finalized our mission to follow the marks, capture the flags and leave no hasher behind. And we were out. Luckily for FOOT, who was busy with r*cist behavior earlier (including LEGAL EASY and BREAST STROKER) that morning and VERA WANGLESS and her walking cast, that this trail had a mobile beer bitch they could tag along with, JUST SPACEBOY.

Up the hill, through the woods but not quite OUT OF THE WOODS (yet). We traversed over ditches and scaled trenches on our way to forge a raging river. JUST LAYS THERE tried to make a human bridge for everyone to cross. Along the way LEGAL EASY found the first flag and carried the Army flag with her the rest of trail. Once we crossed to safety, we came across convoys traversing the same waterway at our first stop.

I’m not sure who was entertaining whom more, us entertaining the drivers or the drivers entertaining us. Not surprising, the New York and New Jersey drivers had the least impressive showings. JUST TROY may have given them a run for their money.

A bonus for our debauchery was on a nearby bridge where a bride and groom were having photos taken. We did our best to photo bomb but they didn’t seem interested in a THREE WAY RUNAWAY. Thankfully ERECT DICK MAKER (EDM) was able to blast the wedding march from his trail speaker to add to their festivities. We were far from SILENT BUT DEADLY. At least we didn’t leave any BONES behind.

Soon enough we were on-on and scaling the next hill. Over hurdles and climbing rope nets let us to an abandoned out post for a song check. A Sol – A Sol – A Soldier I will be…. Was the only choice for the day. On-On into the jungle. Through the mud, under the wire, and over the wall as we climbed, climbed and climbed further up the hill. Not exactly soon enough, we reached high ground. Finally we could see the territory and if the enemy (muggles) were approaching from any direction. Would would also see the smoke of any GHETTO INFERNOs in the valley in case of emergency. Fortunately, there were no conflicts or any ILLEGAL DISCHARGE. The enemy was docile and more curious than threatening. In route to the high ground, FUDGE PACKER and IN-U-END-O rescued the Navy and Air Force flags respectively.

On-on for just a tease of a decline before more assents and a turkey/eagle or tough/easy split. You can guess who took which route. Somewhere along the way there were buffalo. Even thought AGING ADULTS REQUIRE PENETRATION, it seemed the buffalo were safe for the day. We think. Had their been other wildlife, we might have had some PORK PULLER action. Eventually the whole pack ended up on a fast track decent twisting and turning through the jungle. Hidden along the trail CUNTORTIONIST rescued the Marine flag and shortly after GLORYHOLE rescued the Prisoner Of War/Missing In Action flag. No hashers left behind.

There was blood on trail, but fortunately no injuries serious enough to make PAPPA’S PUSSY PUSSY.

We circled up and took a moment among the debauchery to thank our veterans and appreciate those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Quickly returning to debauchery, the most notable accusation was for new shoe. Apparently LEGAL EASY forgot to change her shoes and in a valiant act of comradery, Reading’s late and injured cummer, JUST MICHELE drank with her. Cheers ladies!

Many thanks to all who came out, especially our visitors. Cum again! And again! And again! And… you get the picture…

– Snatch out

Posted in Hash Trash.

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