The Birthday Hash began by decorating Justs and Long Timers with birthday balloons. JUST DEVIN, JUST MORGAN, FUCK NANA, and SILENT BUT DEADLY were all tasked with keeping their birthday balloons safe until the end of trail. Even LYDIA had a balloon in the care of PORK PULLER.
Once the particulars were finished, GLORYHOLE took over RA duties and sent the hare, SEX-A-SKETCH, away. Before long the pack was out. Around a corner from circle, the pack already split. FUCK NANA took his usual balls to the wall FRB approach to the left while others went to the right. Fortunately for the majority of the pack that didn’t follow NANA, they were on on. Around a bend in to the shiggy as the pack went though fields and even rolled JUST DEVON’s ankle. Like the bearded brute he is, it didn’t slow him down. Much. It helped that his bearded twinsie, JUST MORGAN, was there for moral support. Soon the pack came across a shot check. Some milky goodness that could have been from the hare, a hare or any animal there. But the pack liked it and carried on on into the woods. (Not to be confused with OUT OF THE WOODS, he didn’t join the party.)
Somewhere along the way the FRBs got way ahead of the DFLs which essentially split the pack in half. There were trees, bugs, water, and a trail. Somehow we worked our way in and and around a bunch of it. There was also a road. Yep, somewhere along the trail we reached macadam. There was honking and waving. There was cut grass and a church. There was a even a song check on a corner. I’m not sure if anyone got any tips, but if they did, it was just the tip. Promise.
At some sneaky spot the pack ditched off the trail for a beer near at a shack of a hide out. It was complete with a bench, table and hobo couch. (Not to be confused with HOBO PISS. She didn’t join the party either.) At the hide out party, the pack was graced by the musical stylings of ERECTED DICK MAKER and the dancing stylings of ILLEGAL DISCHARGE. It’s almost as if they bring the rave vibe to any trails they join.
Back on to the trail. The pack shuffled and bumped their way past marks. Eventually they came to a floor is lava check at a play ground. The parents and their children didn’t seem too startled when this group of half minds started monopolizing the equipment. There were even a kid or two that wanted to join our picture. Talk about corruption… We continued on past the soccer game. TAMPON PHALANGES seemed really interested in the game to the point that he was jetting right away from the pack to get closer. After further ogling of the soccer mom’s, he realized that no, DADDY CAME had not stopped to watch the match. She was actually up ahead in the pack. Silly TP. We emerged at another road with a trail overpass. Fortunately for the DFL half of the pack, the FRB half had just found the false trail and were now in eye shot for the DFLs to catch up. We crossed a field, saw some bunnies and traversed a pirate bridge complete with dead bodies and shiggy that tried to capture PAPPA’S PUSSY PUSSY and COCKTURNAL. Not today shiggy. Not today. Finally another beer near emerged like a mirage as the palace came in to site.
Palace Pizza was an amazing place for a beer near. We could smell the garlic knots and buffalo pizza from across the bar. It didn’t take long for most of the pack to start snacking. You would have thought everyone had the munchies or something. Must have been all the shiggy and bug spray that got everyone famished.
With bellies full of beer and pizza, the pack wobbled back on to trail. We went along streets for a while which was a twilight zone-ish for a SEX trail. But on on we went. We found our way past a sad check just in front of XXX. We crossed our way back to the rail trail and eventually found another beer near tucked in the woods. This is where much of the pack got comfortable to rest off the pizza. CHASEZ BOYZ led the way in some song and fellowship. JUST MEGAN, T-BLOWNER, FAIRY CAT SHIT, and maybe even our loan visitor, HARED TODAY CUM TOMORROW may have even been dancing. Now the party was really starting. After beers were drank, fun was had, and some goth teens appeared, the pack was on on.
This is where trail got weird. Because it wasn’t weird at any point prior to this very moment. Not at all. There seems to be two trails. One on the rail trail and one adjacent. The adjacent one went up and down hills and valleys. It went to the edge of cliffs. It actually produced a shot check. But then it stopped. WTF. The pack was split. Lucky for THREE WAY RUNAWAY, he was with a group made up of more than two girls so he didn’t need to run away from them. That half of the pack apparently were not on actually trail but not completely lost. We ended up barging through some guys yard. Luckily he didn’t have his ax in his hand at the moment, but he did comment that they guy in the skirt that was ahead of us was an asshole. Thanks NANA. Take the panties off. When we finally made it back to the start, we were surprised to see the entire rest of the pack, including JUSY SPACEBOY had made it. Damn that wiley hare and his shitty trail!
Circle ensued. The most common accusation was for sitting in circle. Again. And again. And again. And… You get the point. Some people never learn. Once circle closed, a naming began.
JUST MEGAN has a way of making grown men weak by messing with the heads. Head? Who said head???? So from this day forward she will forever be known as IN YOUR HEAD. Welcome to the dark side.