LVH3 Trail # 270 – St. Patty’s Day Fatty!!! (3/19/2017)

I love the smell of Irish Car Bombs in the morning. Yep, that’s what kind of day it was. The St. Patty Fatty started bright and early. So many beautiful faces!!! CAMEL TOW, LIPS, SCRATCH N STIFF, SEX A SKETCH, DRUNX, PORK PULLER, SILENT BUT DEADLY and more. It’s like I just saw all of you yesterday! Oh right. I did see many of you yesterday! Of the roughly thirty people at the Fatty, almost twenty of them spent Saturday together on trail. So how about the ten slackers who only came to the Fatty? What were you lazy fucks yesterday??? No worries, Saturday’s shiggy gave way for Sunday’s shine and a sunny, glorious day for more debauchery and festivities.

As the pack gathered, RED COCK DOWN and GOES DOWN ON THE REBOUND left to practice their racist behavior on the St. Patty’s Day 5k r*n. The rest of us continued imbibing to prepare for our 69 mile trail ahead.

With GLORYHOLE and LIQUOR BOX as hares, the day was running promptly on Freddie Standard Time. This gave slow movers like AARP, JUST BETHANY and PAPPA’S PUSSY PUS a chance to arrive at trail before we actually got started. It also gave CUNTORTIONIST and TWINK BABY a chance to get a work out in.

Finally there was circle and the pack was out. We traveled for miles and miles up hill in both directions to find a dumpster lot shot check. Whatever the creamy goo was, it was far more delicious than anything you might imagine finding in a dumpster lot. Another late comer, TWAT SQWAT, appeared on trail complete with cake. Yumm… Cream and cake to get the morning going.

QUICK N LITTLE shared stories of beach hashing and kennel start ups. CUMTUCKY SLURPY and COCKTURNAL shared stories of late night stallion bangs for Dubai princes and their herds. RUBBER RIPPER showed his flash dancing moves that we hope to see on the new version of Saturday Night Fever due out later this year.

On-on we went and stumbled across a song check. TOUR DE PUKE enlightened us with a rousing rendition of The Bagpipe Song. A delightful ditty unfamiliar to much of the pack so be warned… Yogi Bear and Chicago may have some competition…

On-on again through mountains and streams to find a Jug O Shame waiting on trail. There’s no telling what was in it, but this group were professionals. It was way too early in the day to have enough bad decisions to incite too much shame. I mean, some weird things started happening but what FAIRY CAT SHIT and OUT OF THE WOODS do is their business.

On-on through shiggy and shit but most importantly swings. Tire swings. Yes, who keeps a tire swing in their front yard and doesn’t expect innocent passers by to stop and play on it? Completely acceptable hash behavior.

After slaving away for what seemed an eternity, we arrived the glorious residence of YA LION CUNT for another stop. There seemed to be a rock orgy happening in the basement and who knows who was involved so I’ll just go with INFECTIOUS ERECTUS, JUST RACHEL, UR CUTOFF, JUST SARAH, TYPE A HOLE. Sure, any sort of weird could happen with that mix. Most of the pack stayed outside in the sun which was a fair decision on such a beautiful day.

On-on and on and on to yet another shot check. Whatever the fuck it was called, you either loved it or hated it. The refreshing grape-fruitiness went down easy for some, while others took a sip and passed it to the more tarty inclined, of which I was one.

On-in we went. And there was food! This was where the real rejoicing happened. The only problem was that anything with the hash involves herding cats to get somewhere. Distract us with food and more Irish Car Bombs and you might as well call it a day. But not our fearless hares… Somehow they got most of the pack into circle and on to the parade, which is really why everybody came out for the day, of course.

The parade was great. JUST KRISTEN found us. There was music and kilts and marchers and kilts and libations and kilts and a photo finally with the 69 news van. All was well for a Happy St. Patty’s Day. Until next time…


– Snatch out

Posted in Hash Trash.

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