This month we had an unnamed baby hasher dare to break the draw straws tradition and volunteer to hare our Humper! (Yay, Just Zoe!) And then some jerk decided he was gonna help. This is his story.    

AARP!

Alright. It’s all over the tabloids, everyone wants to know: How does a strapping young lad like yourself perchance upon the ill fortune of having a moniker like AARP bequeathed upon them?   

At a time (not so long ago), in a galaxy far away (ok it was Scranton) a young laddie took a green beer driven adventure to a St. Patrick’s Day parade, dressed in his finest colors of green…and well green he stumbled upon many lassies however this evening it was the older, “more experienced” lassies that stirred up his lucky charms. Started with lassie 1 outside the bar in the back of a random pickup truck bed (classy, I know..still do not know who’s truck it was) then in a random act of destiny stumbled (quite literally) upon this same group of vixens at our hotel, to which with lassie #2 (yes friend of lassie #1) asked if she could see my shillelagh to which I kindly obliged in the stairwell of the hotel accidentally hitting the fire alarm but continued on as the building was vacated…yes these women were older, how old you ask…well that’s the mystery of the story…but from this adventure the true lesson that was learned that ALL Aging Adults Require Penetration #AARP